I am not an atheist.
I am Roman Catholic by baptism. But within my twenty two years of existence, I must have only attended mass for some good seven years. Six years of it was from my childhood when I had no choice but to attend mass with my socalled family – and I don’t even remember if I knew what the priest was saying. The rest are trips to the church whenever I feel like I am drowned by my guilt of not going and because I have this fear of the unknown – perhaps, the fear of evil enveloping my soul. That said, I do not know if I am still considered a Christian by thought.
Don’t get me wrong though, I like going to Church, what I only dislike is going to church. My religious subjects back in high school – even more so in college – thought me that these are two entirely different. . . subjects, if I may say. If you still are not aware of it, let me give you a short notso clear definition.
A church, as defined by my teacher, and the dictionary, and the New Testament, is a sacred building or temple used by Christian whenever the come to assembly.
A Church however, is the whole Christian believers. It refers to people and everything that represents God.
The word translated “church” in the English Bible is ekklesia. This word is the Greek words kaleo (to call), with the prefix ek (out). Thus, the word means “the called out ones.” However, the English word “church” does not come from ekklesia but from the word kuriakon, which means “dedicated to the Lord.” This word was commonly used to refer to a holy place or temple.
A more accurate translation would be “assembly” because the term ekklesia was used to refer to a group of people who had been called out to a meeting. It was also used as a synonym for the word synagogue, which also means to “come together,” i.e. a gathering. “Body of Christ” Since believers have been united with Christ through spiritual baptism, they are sometimes corporately referred to as the body of Christ.
Well, there are many forms of definition one can get. But I’d stick to mine and call it belief. So, in a quicker perspective: /church/ – material. /Church/ – spirit.
Going back, here are a few reasons why I dislike going to church.
I dislike the crowd. The discomfort of the heat and the standing. My father bore into our brains that it is part of our penitence – but really, I don’t get why. I personally believe that if we ever decide to who ever mighty is up there – creator, savior, or whatnots – we should be at peace: in a calm way of how yoga is supposed to feel. Sometimes it makes me feel that I must have been a Buddhist in my previous life.
Secondly, I dislike mass. I would often prefer to go to church when there’s no mass: when there’s no much people; when I could think clearly and pray – really pray. I do not like mass because of it’s routine. Routine takes out the essence of the act – much like singing happy birthday or saying I love you at the end of a phone call to your special someone. It becomes habitual – ordinary even. I’d bet my fingers 90% of the people inside a church attends mass because they have to; because it is a social norm; because it is what is proper; and is what is expected of a Christian soul. And I’d bet my toes that a clear 70 would cuss -or make another sin- immediately or at least an hour after the “Holy ceremony”.
I also dislike that a person, such as a preacher and the rest of the cast, stands in front of the crowd and pretends like he/she/they are such a Holy souls pretending to practice what they preach. And the most part I hate is that they – or at least most of them – would preach or tell you what’s proper in a you-are-such-a-bad-person-I-am-such-a-holy-one kind of way. Puhleeeaaaase! We are only human. And I know that wearing a slightly lower neckline than that of a turtle neck is improper to you but you don’t have to shame or humiliate the person. Just because you serve the church does not mean you have superior or right or whatever you want to call it. Now I’m being obvious. Even killing has it’s nice way.
We may not be equal, but we definitely are not a foot higher from each other. I do not, however, have anything against preaching. I just do not like some of it part – there’s a big difference.
Now, I must pause for someone reading this might challenge my thoughts. But before you even react, this is my personal opinion and I do not intend to advocate. Just merely expressing my thoughts in this early Sunday morning.
Going back again (I am very easily distracted), and third to my reasons is that I dislike that we, Christians, tend to give so much value to sculptures . And again, I have nothing to protest against it. I just do not like it that some tend to treat it an equal of what it represents. Yes, I do get the excuse they say about my boyfriend’s/mother’s picture in my wallet. But for christ’s sake! I don’t get goo goo gaga over it.
Lastly, if I may also add, that I do not believe in the Bible entirely. (Okay you can now hit me with a bow for this.)Throw me all the points of your argument but I do not intent to raise a debate. I am not completely believing – not ‘convinced’ (by that I mean not the word convinced in place of believing) of Jesus. I do however believe with the higher power. Now here, again, I should not be considered a ‘Christ’ian, now should I? But then again, I have nothing else to believe in. Just as we believe in the greater endless outer space and it’s infinite measure, I am not ready or capable enough to face or find out the hard truth. C’mon, who would really know what’s inside a black hole?
On a different note, Aldous Huxley once said (thanks to stevemccurry for the quote), “My father considered a walk among the mountains as the equivalent of churchgoing.” That, I believe, is better belief than what we have. Long before I have read this passage, I have always found myself at peace with nature. It is with nature and animals, and in wandering, that I find most peaceful. It is in my actions that I reach out to my soul. Unlike the church, it spontaneously transforms my mind in a calm state. Uplifting my soul (yes I could feel it) a foot higher above the ground. Pulling up all my muscles and neurons to a higher behavior. And then without even thinking, I would find myself talking (praying) to God. No I do not do this out loud.
We have different perspectives in life. Some may be similar to others, others may entirely be different. As a commoner, I am in no position nor have I enough knowledge to defend my belief. But this is what I believe in. And it has done okay with me.
Hey, ain’t it a Sunday?